Saturday, 23 September 2017

Finding time to Blog

... and do just about anything else I enjoy doing. 

Impact Magazine Nottingham Flat Lay

 I've been getting increasingly unhappy and frustrated at myself, for never getting stuff done or done well or done on time. 15 minutes ago, I had one of my routine meltdowns and as I write this post, I feel incredibly overwhelmed by everything I have to do by the end of next week.

When push comes to shove, everything urgent and pressing always gets completed. At this point in my life, that's normally work for uni. Yet I still feel so unhappy with myself because everything I love doing gets neglected due to; being a scatterbrain, procrastination and frankly laziness. I love blogging but never make time for it and, it's taking me SO LONG to finish any book I pick up. FRUSTRATION. There's no other word I can use to describe it.

And this isn't a new feeling either. Year after year I feel this way and nothing changes and I just find myself sinking into a pit of anxiety and low moods then I binge watch TV and binge eat and forget for a while and then I remember and this is my life and I'm doing this to myself !

Uni starts on Monday and already, everything has caught up with me. I said yes to way too many commitments and fooled myself into thinking I have all the time in the world and now here we are. Final year. I don't want to be here this time next year, in the exact same mental space I'm in now ... plus I'll probably be unemployed?! Nah. I've devised a life plan to sort my head out a bit.

Sleeping early waking up early.
Even after sleeping for 10 hours I STILL do not enjoy waking up before 8am. But that's all going to have to change. I hate myself every time I wake up early but it always feels so good about an hour later. You can actually seize the day because there is more of the day to seize?! Revelation.  And I call myself a night owl but you just can't do that when you actually have places to be in the morning. I woke up in the worst possible mood this morning (I'm actually still dead inside if you must know) and it I think sleeping late all the time, doesn't give me the right mindset to do anything well the next day.

Do all the fun things, first thing
My days of waking up and doing uni work and struggling at it while also struggling to even open my eyes at 6 in the morning are ovaa. I'm going to try writing for 40 minutes, four times a week. Might be blogging, might be just writing. But writing is one of my favourite things to do and I just think it'll put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. Plus I need something to look forward to, to be able to consistently wake up early.

Plan before going to bed.
I've recently started planning things in the order I'm going to do them in the next day, on my phone. What we may call, a list. I have a love/hate relationship with lists. I started obsessively making them when I was about 9; to the point where I planned every last detail of my day and then when I couldn't complete them because they were frankly ridiculous, I would have a little mental breakdown. And then I tried again the next day. And then the next and the next. Now I do them on my phone (so out of sight and can easily be deleted)  and only put 6 things down. Too early to say whether it's actually working but we'll see.

Eat better
When I eat badly I just feel really guilty and decide to continue eating badly and be a slob  for the rest of the day and make it up to myself. I'm now taking meal planning a lot more seriously because it feels really destructive when I don't eat properly.

Choose to read
Issa choice guys and recently I've been choosing YouTube. Now I'm reading books that would take me about 3 days, 3-4 weeks. And it's not even fun anymore. Reading 2 pages and then falling asleep or getting distracted by Twitter takes the fun out of reading and half the time I don't even know what's happening. So we're not doing that anymore. Susan 2.0 reads 40 minutes before bed and hides her phone and laptop - AMEN.

Am I having a quarter life crisis? Sure does feel like one.


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